


For Now, Fine.

by 2jamie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Asexual Sherlock, Asexuality, Established Relationship, M/M, Really bad at Tagging, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-31 11:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2jamie/pseuds/2jamie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some truths come up at a crime scene. They need to be dealt with.<br/>(See notes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Now, Fine.

**Author's Note:**

> (This section ended up longer than I thought it would.)
> 
> This is my take on asexuality. I agree with the statement that there are as many "types" of asexuality as there are aces in the world. This is how I understand it, based on my experiences (though nothing as drastic as what Sherlock agreed to in this story). I do not claim this to be a guidebook in asexuality of any sort, neither is it a declaration.
> 
> It's also kind of hard to pinpoint the exact warnings for this story for me. If you find some triggers in here, that I did not warn you about, then I am sorry, it was not my intention. It is just that I probably do not consider it/them to be one. If you feel like I should really include that, tell me and I will.
> 
> (Possible) Warnings: mentions of drug use, acts that could be understood as prostitution*, slightly bad Lestrade**
> 
> *Personally, I don't consider them to be, but I understand they might be seen as such. Hence the possible warning.  
> **He's not a fatherly figure in this, so if you dislike any kind of tarnishing his reputation, you might want to skip this. It's just that I don't see him as a perfect human being, but no disrespect is meant.

They were at another crime scene, when it happened. Sherlock was busy examining the body, whilst John and Lestrade stood to the side watching him.

“So,” Lestrade spoke up suddenly, smiling mischievously at John. “I heard you two are finally together?”

“Yeah,” John kept on watching Sherlock with a soft smile. “Who spilled? Sally?”

“Won the Yard’s bet by that,” Lestrade replied. “Must say, took you a while.”

“Hey!”

“Just saying. I could never understand how you can put up with him without the perks,” Lestrade smirked. “After all, his bedroom skills are quite a something.”

“Sorry?” John quickly turned to face the DI, a mix of shock and surprise on his face.

“Oh, come on,” Greg said. “We all know what he’s like,” he gestured at Sherlock who was currently inspecting the ground a few feet away from the body. “I was always surprised that you managed to live with him without getting something in return.”

“You mean shagging,” John said carefully. “Did you two ever...?”

“Figures he never mentioned that,” Lestrade nodded. “Probably not important?”

“No, he never did,” John avoided Greg’s eyes and turned back to look at Sherlock. “So you were a couple, then?”

“I wouldn’t call it that much. He wanted in on the cases, and I wanted some fun. I was on a verge of divorce, then,” Lestrade explained. “Made him stay clean as well, so everyone was happy.”

John kept on looking ahead. When his phone chimed a few seconds later, he couldn’t be more grateful. It turned out to be just another advert, but he decided to use the chance, anyway.

“Sorry,” he finally turned to Greg. “Mrs Hudson. Says one of Sherlock experiments got a life of its own. She needs some help. I better go and clean it up before the fire brigade shows up. Again,” John managed a weak smile. “Could you tell him once he’s done?” he nodded towards Sherlock.

“Sure,” Lestrade waved him off. “Looks like he’ll be done soon, thank Christ. I could use an early night for once.”

John walked off the crime scene towards the main road and quickly caught a taxi home.

***

“I hope you didn’t ruin any of my experiments,” Sherlock said as he walked in into 221B later. “They were all at a very crucial step.” Once out of his coat and scarf, he stepped into the kitchen, where John was sitting nursing a cup of tea. “But you were right to leave early, it was all so simple. The Yarders even had the culprit with them as the key witness,” Sherlock smiled, but it faded      quickly when no answering smile showed on John’s face. “What have I done now?” he asked.

“Nothing,” John answered too quickly, casting a glance at his partner. “Really,” he added, when Sherlock raised an eyebrow sceptically.

“What is it, then?” he asked taking a seat across from John.

“Just...something Greg said.” John looked Sherlock in the eyes, before turning his gaze onto the mug in his hands. “Got me thinking. Wondering, you could say.”

“Something about me.”

John chuckled. “Not that hard to figure this one out, so I’m not calling you ‘brilliant’ for it.”

A silence settled over them. John kept on staring at his half-empty mug, whilst Sherlock observed John.

“Did he...comment on the change in our relationship?” Sherlock asked tentatively after a few minutes have passed. John finally looked up at him again.

“Yes,” he answered simply. “And on yours with him.”

“Ah.”

“It’s fine that you didn’t tell me,” John assured him. “It’s...” he trailed off.

“What we did together?” Sherlock finished.

“Yeah, that.” John took a gulp of tea. “Like I said, got me wondering, is all.”

“John...” Sherlock started but was interrupted by the other man.

“No. It’s fine. You don’t have to explain. I mean, it’d be nice knowing why, but I’m not sure I can stomach it just yet.” John looked hopefully at Sherlock. “I thought...this is what you wanted. That you didn’t do sex. I was fine with it. I still am. It just seems I was wrong, as usual, wasn’t I?”

Sherlock looked at John for a very long moment, saying nothing. When he finally spoke, he turned his head down, so as not look at the other man in the eyes.

“You were not wrong,” he whispered.

“That’s rich, Sherlock,” John said, but stopped when the man in question shook his head almost violently.

“Lestrade was cases,” he looked up, a pleading look in his eyes that made John speechless. “It may look simple to you, and it is, but not in the way you think.”

“In what way, then?” John asked him, just as quietly. Sherlock seemed to battle with himself for another minute before replying.

“If I tell you, do you promise not to ask questions before the end?” John nodded and Sherlock took a deep breath. “All right, then.” He stood up and went to sit on the other side of the table, next to John. Now they both looked at the wall of their kitchen.

“When I was at Uni, I met a man, Victor,” Sherlock started. “He was...nice. The first one to talk to me and not call me a freak. I was at a stage when I needed someone like that, so I didn’t question his motives. He was well-liked, and dated a lot. Rather like you, in that respect,” Sherlock smiled softly, but still didn’t look.  
“I thought that I have finally found a friend, and it all went well for a while. He had his girlfriends to satisfy his needs and after a failed experiment a few months earlier, I knew the intimacy required for a relationship was not for me. I did not enjoy being touched in certain places and kissing was also more unpleasant than enjoyable. Why do people insist on putting tongues in each other’s mouths, John?” Sherlock asked sounding honestly confused.

“Because they like it,” John said with a smile.

“Well, I didn’t. I still don’t,” Sherlock replied. “I do not find it pleasant at all. Such a strange thing to do to show how much you appreciate the other person, mingling your salivae. But that’s beside the point. Victor didn’t kiss me all that much.  
“One day he brought something back with him to our room. Convinced me to try it. That was the first time I tried cocaine,” Sherlock continued. “As you can imagine, I got addicted rather quickly, but I did not have the access to family money. But I had something else Victor wanted. So I traded sex for drugs.” John looked at Sherlock at that point, with pain in his eyes. “I didn’t enjoy it anymore than my first try, but it had a purpose. If I went through with this, I’d get another hit. He never coerced me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Sherlock added.

“But you said you didn’t...” John started.

“There is no pleasure in sex for me, John,” Sherlock finally looked at his partner. “But I do know what I’m doing when I agree to have it, anyway. It was like money for me, it paid for the drugs. There was nothing else to it.” John looked doubtful. Sherlock sighed, but continued with his story. “It was the same with Lestrade later. He could let me solve cases. I didn’t want to lose that. So I observed him and saw that he wanted the same payment as Victor, but, unlike him, Lestrade wouldn’t ask. Morality and all that, I suppose. But he wanted it, and I wanted a puzzle. So I...offered it to him. And he accepted. He never asked, neither did he _tell_ me to do it. I still didn’t enjoy it, but I could solve cases and that was more important. It lasted for a year or so, and then he made up with his wife, so I was no longer needed in that aspect. But I proved to him that I’m valuable for my brain, too.

“And then you came. And you...just didn’t want it. You stayed wanting nothing in return,” Sherlock finally smiled softly for real. “I had the cases and I had you. And I didn’t have to pay for your company. You craved the same things that I did, so that’s not proper payment. You accepted me. I think the only person outside from my family to ever have done that before was Mrs Hudson.”

“If that was all you wanted, then why did you ask me out on a date?” John asked, when Sherlock had been silent for a few minutes. “Nothing needed to change, you know that, right?”

“I do,” Sherlock said. “And that was yet another reason to do so.” John looked questioningly at him. “You don’t expect me to change that part of me. You _knew_ it wasn’t my thing. And yet you agreed to be my romantic partner. I...everything I said, then and since, is true, John. I do...love you,” Sherlock was blushing by the end of his little speech. They remained quiet for a moment, before Sherlock tentatively asked: “Have you...have you changed your mind?” He looked at John. “Do you want us to...”

“No,” John shook his head. “No, Sherlock. I...I won’t lie and say I understand, because that’s going to take me a little longer, but the answer’s no, I haven’t changed my mind. I want us and I don’t want sex. It’s not going to be pleasurable for me, if it’s not for you,” he said earnestly.

“But you miss it?” Sherlock inquired. “Being this intimate with a partner?”

“I’m not sure ‘miss’ is the word I’d use,” John said, a soft smile creeping back into his face. “I like it, yes.” Sherlock crinkled his nose. “But only if it means something for me and for the other person. It wouldn’t to you, so there’s no point in even discussing it,” John explained with a note of finality.

Sherlock looked at him for another minute before smiling.

“So we’re fine for now?” he asked.

“For now,” John said, an answering smile forming on his face. “We are fine. And the rest doesn’t matter.”


End file.
